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Category Archives: Humor

A Tribute to Grampa Rasmussen, Determination, and Survival

DELIKATESSE FOR LUTEFISKELSKERELutefisk History:

Lutefisk (pronounced LEWD-uh-fisk) is dried cod that has been soaked in a lye solution for several days to rehydrate it. It is rinsed with cold water to remove the lye, then boiled or baked, and then served with butter, salt, and pepper.

The finished lutefisk usually is the consistency of Jello. It is also called lyefish, and in the United States, Norwegian-Americans traditionally serve it for Thanksgiving and Christmas. In many Norwegian homes, lutefisk takes the place of the Christmas turkey. In Minnesota and Wisconsin, you can find lutefisk in local food stores and even at some restaurants. It is a food that you either love or hate, and, as some people say, “Once a year is probably enough!”

During the fall in Wisconsin, people watch their local newspapers for announcements of lutefisk suppers, which are usually held in Norwegian churches. Usually every Norwegian church will host at least one lutefisk supper between October and the end of the year. The dinners have become so popular that lovers of this special cod dish drive great distances, and these are not just people of Scandinavian descent.

The history of lutefisk dates back to the Vikings. On one occasion, according to one legend, plundering Vikings burned down a fishing village, including the wooden racks with drying cod. the returning villagers poured water on the racks to put out the fire. Ashes covered the dried fish, and then it rained. the fish buried in the ashes in the ashes thus became soaked in a lye slush. Later the villagers were surprised to see that the dried fish had changed to what looked like fresh fish. They rinsed the fish in water to remove the lye and make it edible, and then boiled it. The story is that one particularly brave villager tasted the fish and declared it “not bad.”

Norwegian-Americans believe that lutefisk was brought by their ancestors on the ships when they came to America, and that it was all they had to eat. Today the fish is celebrated in ethnic and religious celebrations and is linked with hardship and courage.

 

 

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Saturday funny: So you thought auto-correct was bad?

 

17 hours ago via iOS

When someone is kind of anyway you’re trying to park , And instead of responding with my usual snarkiness, I should have a great ride. You responded with a heavy Norwegian accent, Tanks.
My grandparents were from there. I could’ve an assholes to them, instead I was kind and realize the strength of that Makes it always imperative to be kind of

  •      PERSON 1 -  I’m confused.
  •      PERSON 2 –  Steve, you OK? The sentences you posted are not making much sense – did you use a new mobile device or is something going on?
  •     Steve Ulrich Apologies to all. One should never try to use speech recognition, while driving!
  •       Steve Ulrich It should have read: when someone was kind of in the way when I was trying to park, Instead of responding with my usual snarkiness, I said “have a good ride”…
  •      PERSON 2 – Hahaha, the equivalent of the “spelling corrector” on the iPhone’s SMS

 

 

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“Rights”Rights” a short rant for my friend Barry Monahan.

Plaatje-Christopher-Human-RightsYeah, talk to me about rights. What rights do we really have?
You have the right to remain silent, unless doing so pisses me off and I slap you upside of the head with my pistol.
You have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness? I’ll go with the last one, but as far as the first two I think that is kind of up to God.
Did the victims of baby Doc, or Hitler have the same rights? I’m not necessarily saying it’s not correct for protecting our own shores, but what rights do they have at Gitmo?
You have the right to work your ass off, be the best you can be, and hope to heck somebody doesn’t shoot you in the face. That is all.
Rights are like entitlements. They do not exist in the real world.
Have we gotten so fat and freeking Arrogant that we think the world owes us a living, and somehow is obligated to take care of us?
Let’s face it, baby boomers. We have no right to anything but to work our asses off.
There are so many of us, there is nobody left to bail us out. The days of peace love and dope in the Haight-Ashbury are over.
Face it, you are not going to be guaranteed healthcare, a sweet old peoples home with chirping birds and basket weavers, or a nurse name Consuela to come and wipe your ass when you poop your pants. Some of us are going to starve, some of us are going to croak on the streets from heart attacks, and some of us are going to stroke out.
What you have the right to do, is your best. Work your freaking ass off as hard as you can for as long as you can, treat the people you love with love, and be thankful for every breath you have the “right” to take.
And you do have the right to thank your God, however you envision that, for every good minute you’ve had.

 

What I’ve Learned from Dogs… It’s “a pack thing.”

By Antsy McLain
As I write this, a steady rain taps on the window to my left, and distant thunder promises more of the same for the day. A gray Schnauzer sits a few feet away as I write this. He’s 6 years old now, approaching mid life, and seems to be content to be anywhere I am, doing anything I want to do. This, I’m sure you agree, is not the kind of relationship we can have with other humans.
We’re about to go “bye bye” to the store on the corner, so I can’t write for long. I have already said the words bye bye, and therefore set him at his hyper alert state, giddy at my slightest movement, and ready to bolt toward the door. He just whined a little, his low mournful whine that sounds so human, I’m thinking this sentence may not even get finished before I have to leave. (There. A few Snausages. He’ll be fine for a few more paragraphs.)

As we drive to the store, I will crack the window and let him smell everything outside the car as we ride. His nose will add the tell tale streaks on the glass as he watches the world go by. I’ll see the streaks the next time I get in the car without him, and smile. I’ll tell myself I need to wash them off, but I know I won’t follow through with it.

I wrote the word ‘dog owner’ a few times above as way to describe myself, and it immediately felt awkward. It didn’t sound right because it’s inaccurate. Charlie found us, and we never “bought” him from anyone. I don’t think of myself as “owning” Charlie. He’s a part of the family, or more accurately, we belong to the same pack.

Our son Grant was playing outside our house with his friends, and Charlie strutted up to him, picked Grant out from all the other kids, and didn’t leave. The kids all played with him, but he hung out with Grant. It was the same later when he met the rest of the family.

He had a collar with a tag that said “Buddy,” and we called the number. He had gone missing three months earlier about 40 miles away. They told us they had already replaced him, and we could have him. They offered to mail us his papers — meaning his pedigree (they proudly announced he was AKC) — but never impressed with the papers or credentials of humans all that much, we didn’t see why having papers would make this good-hearted dog any more valuable to us than he already was, so we declined.

Grant renamed him Charlie. Being schooled in the art of incentives (at least in the human family), I set out to learn Charlies favorite things, and within days discovered Charlies’s incomparable talents as a ball retriever (only yellow tennis balls, I found out), singer, and cuddler. Like all dogs, he responds to treats and the imminent possibility of road travel. Come to think of it, my favorite people also hold travel and junk food in high regard, so maybe it is “a pack thing.”

I wrote the song with Charlie next to me. I thought of him in every verse. I’ve had many dogs in my 50 years, some of them very close to me, two of them were soul mates. When Moo Moo died, I cried in long, hard fits that left pieces of my soul in dregs along the backyard to where I buried her. Those pieces of me are still there.

But never have I connected to the soul of a dog like this moppy, gray haired barker at my feet. And never have I learned more from an animal.

But you know, they say when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. And maybe it’s me. Maybe I was getting in my way all along. Charlie was out there. Waiting. And when it seemed we were ready, he came loping up the street and made friends with Grant.

We thought he was just sniffing us out. But more likely he was saying, “Hey, let’s go on an adventure! With lotsa treats, tennis balls and road trips! It’ll be fun! And you just might learn something.”

OK, Charlie, ready to go “BYE BYE?” Oh, man. You should see him now. ha.

 

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The Most Effective Time Management Tips You’ll Ever Find

When you’re a college student, being able to manage your time can mean the difference between success and failure. These tips, many of which seem to fly in the face of logic, can help you reduce your stress and manage your time effectively so the important things get done every day.

Take Charge of Your Schedule

One of my favorite professors once said “If you don’t take charge of your schedule, then your schedule is in charge of you.”

We’ve all had times when our days seemed to be governed by one crisis after another, but that should be the exception rather than the norm.

Before you go to bed each night, take a look at the next day’s schedule. Set aside time for the important things, the things that matter most to you. Sure, unexpected events may crop up, and when they do, you’ll deal with them — but once you’ve put out the fire, you can get right back on track to the schedule you’ve set.

Be Realistic

Figure out how much time it takes you to accomplish a certain task, like reading 10 pages out of a textbook or writing a five-page paper. Keep these findings in mind when you are deciding what to do with your day.

Most people, for instance, can’t dash off a 10-page term paper in half an hour or read a complex, technical document in 15 minutes. If you don’t allot enough time for each of your daily activities, you’re setting yourself up for failure.

Don’t Multitask

Multitasking used to be considered the great time management skill. That was before researchers discovered people who were high on marijuana actually performed better on an assignment than people who were trying to switch back and forth between three different tasks.

It’s probably okay to walk and chew gum, but other than that, focus your attention on just one thing, do it and move on to something else.

Take Regular Breaks

Brick-and-mortar universities have breaks built into their schedules when the bell rings, and students have 15 or 20 minutes to get to the next class. Programs that offer online college degrees don’t have such clear break periods. If you’re taking several online classes, it’s possible to work for hours without stopping. It’s also a bad idea.

The brain, like a muscle, gets tired if you demand too much of it. Tired brains are responsible for foolish mistakes as well as errors in judgment. For every hour of studying, set aside 10 to 15 minutes to do something completely different. Put in a load of laundry, wash the breakfast dishes, take the dog for a walk or treat yourself to a few minutes of your favorite magazine.

With a little practice, you can develop time management skills that will help you get through any type of class setting.

CJ contributed this guest post. Passionate about self-improvement, he frequently blogs about time management and how it can factor into online college degrees.

 

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VIDEO: Best marriage proposal ever

Isaac Lamb proposed to his girlfriend, Amy, in a very innovative way, and the video has gone viral.
Check out Isaac’s incredible proposal – set to Bruno Mars‘ “Marry You.”

CLICK ON THE PHOTO

 

When Isaac Lamb decided to propose to his girlfriend, Amy, he knew he wanted to do something over-the-top. but not even Amy was prepared for the elaborate proposal he staged with 60 of their closet friends and family members. The video went viral – and has already amassed almost 6 million views on YouTube at last count.

The video even got Bruno Mars’ stamp of approval!

Congrats to Isaac Lamb and the future Mrs.. I don’t think I could’ve made a better music video for this song. Thank youvimeo.com/42828824

 

Calling in Sick? Make Sure You Have a Good Excuse.

We’ve all done it before – called in sick when all we really wanted was an extra day off to lounge on the couch or hit up the mall. Most people in this situation simply tell their boss they’re sick and can’t make it into the office, but you might be surprised at the excuses some people come up with for missing work.

CareerBuilder’s Annual Survey, released at the end of 2011, revealed some of the most unusual excuses employees gave for missing work. And these aren’t your run-of-the-mill “my car broke down and I can’t get another ride” excuses – they’re much more creative.

The top 15 unusual excuses for calling in sick include:

  1. My 12-year-old daughter stole my car and I have no other way to get to work.
  2. Bats got in my hair.
  3. A refrigerator fell on me.
  4. A truck accidentally dumped flour into my convertible while backing up.
  5. A deer bit me while hunting.
  6. I ate too much at a party.
  7. I fell out of bed and broke my nose.
  8. I got a cold from my new puppy.
  9. My child stuck a mint up his nose and had to visit the emergency room.
  10. I hurt my back chasing a beaver.
  11. I got my toe caught in a vent cover.
  12. I got a headache from visiting too many garage sales.
  13. My brother-in-law was kidnapped by the Mexican drug cartel.
  14. I drank anti-freeze by mistake and had to go to the hospital.
  15. A bucket filled with water fell through the roof of a bowling alley and hit me in the head.

The moral of this story? Make sure you have a real reason for calling in sick, or simply be honest and tell your boss that you need an extra day off. Otherwise you might find yourself in danger of being caught.

In fact, the survey found that 15 percent of employers have fired a worker for calling in sick without a legit reason, and another 28 percent have checked up on an employee by:

  • Requiring a doctor’s note (69 percent)
  • Calling the employee (52 percent)
  • Asking another employee to call the worker (19 percent)
  • Driving by the employee’s house (16 percent)

The survey further found that employees are most likely to call in sick between January and March, and that 29 percent of workers admitted to playing hookey, mostly to run errands or do things with family and friends.

Citations:

Writer and content creator specializing in everything from recruiting and job searching to social media and technology. Check out PCRecruiter.net for more.

 

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Sexist Ads Of The 50s

These days, keeping house isn’t just the function of the ‘little woman’. In these more enlightened times, men and women share the domestic duties, and the roles have become more equal. So when we look back at past eras such as the 50s and 60s – even up to the 80s – the attitudes seem frankly shocking now.

This is really obvious when looking at the world of advertising, which succinctly reflects the attitudes of days gone by. Here are four areas of advertising that will highlight the era perfectly.

The home – Like bangers and mash, gin and tonic and Abbot and Costello, there’s the wife in the kitchen. We know that times certainly have changed, and it’s not so common for the woman to be stuck at home, peering over her kitchen enamelware, cooking and cleaning for her man as much. Of course, there’s a double dose of sexism here. Hardee’s ad also implies that if you’re a man who doesn’t have a woman preparing food for you, you might as well go out for fast food because you can’t cook for yourself.

The office – The world of work was somewhere that was a male dominated environment in the 50s and 60s. Women were either secretaries or cleaners, and while there’s no shame in either role, the positions were perceived as subordinate and secondary to roles of men in business. So when Bell & Howell wanted to show off their “finest projection equipment”, it was Sabrina’s equipment that was used to sell it. I can guarantee that no one approached her on her opinion of how to use it.

Driving – Ah, the old staple joke of men being better drivers than women. No research in the world was going to stop husbands believing that his wife was a worse driver than him. As the breadwinner, Volkswagen were selling to him, not her. So if you’re going to buy a car, it really should be tough and able to handle a woman’s appalling driving skills. Oh, for the record, a researcher from Carnegie Mellon University in Michigan found that, based on miles driven, men were more 77% more likely to have a fatal car accident than women.

Air Travel – The world of air travel definitely wasn’t safe, as female cabin crew were one of the primary lures to get travelling business men to use particular airlines. I’m not sure what Czech Airlines is trying to get across here, but I can see nothing about the service or efficiency they provide, but their stewardesses are warm and welcoming in, and out, of uniform.

Citations:

TCH provides quality kitchen enamelware for the home.

 

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Marijuana Must Be Legalized

The opinion and story of a Colorado Attorney:  

It is 5:00 a.m. on a cold dark Colorado morning. Twenty-five SWAT team officers, clad in black helmets, body armor, wielding assault weapons, large clear shields, and heavy iron battering rams, surround a quiet residential home, shatter the front door, and throw flash-bang grenades and tear gas inside.

The team of 25 militarized cops stream into the house, screaming obscenities, shattering the terrified childrens’ sleep and jarring the scared parents awake. The SWAT team then literally destroys the home and the furniture within, slashing couches, overturning bookcases, throwing possessions all over the floor, carting the crying children off to Social Services or foster care, and throwing the parents to the ground at gunpoint, handcuffing them painfully before carting them off to the police station.

The SWAT team then locates its target: a couple dozen three-foot high cannabis plants in a modest indoor basement garden, and a pound or so of dried plant matter, some lights, some fertilizer, and a few books on how to grow marijuana.

This is not an extreme example. This scene literally happens every day in America, a nation that loudly professes that it is a “free” country, but that leads the globe in per capita incarceration of its own people, a rate that exceeds those of human rights leaders such as North Korea, China, and Iran, due mostly to the war on drugs.

And this scene embodies America’s war on marijuana. A government this large, this powerful, this intrusive, this belligerent, is necessary to fight this modern-day prohibition against a simple herb that approximately half of the American adult population has consumed at some point in their lives. There are so many reasons this must change:

1. Money

The war on marijuana costs us money. The direct costs to local, state, and federal governments are staggering and exceed a trillion dollars. Police, prosecutors, probation officers, judges, courts, jailers, prison guards, and defense lawyers form a massive prison-industrial complex that distracts limited resources away from our failing economy and other more important priorities. The indirect costs to the economy, though more difficult to quantify, are probably higher in the form of people removed from their families and their jobs, the opportunity costs of distracted police and jammed courts too busy to adjudicate important criminal and civil cases. We also lose out on the benefits of industrial hemp, which has no recreational effect but which could be an extremely useful crop for American farmers and industry.

And all of this money has been wasted — accomplishing, like so many other heavy-handed government programs, the precise opposite result of that which was intended. Even the U.S. government’s drug czar (it is appropriate that this government position is named after an imperial Russian tyrant), Gil Kerlikowski, admits that the 40-year experiment with drug prohibition has been an abject failure.

Decades of drug prohibition has not accomplished a single of its goals. Albert Einstein’s definitionof insanity is “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” As our governments at all levels pour more lawyers, guns, and money into this militarized marijuana prohibition, people still obtain it — easily — and supply and demand is totally uninterrupted on a macro scale; one dealer falls, another pops up. Under Einstein’s definition, our government is literally insane.

2. Freedom

The war on marijuana is alien to the principles of a free nation founded on the principles of limited government and personal responsibility. The negative impact of marijuana prohibition laws far outstrip the negative impact of the substance itself, which is one of the few things on Earth that has no practical lethal dose, it is basically harmless.

Humans in all cultures have used the cannabis plant since the dawn of history for medicinal, spiritual, industrial, and recreational purposes; only in the 20th century did it occur to any government to prohibit it. Thomas Jefferson and other founders grew cannabis on their plantations. The Declaration of Independence is written on hemp paper. Even Genesis 1:29confirms that God gave man every seed-bearing plant on the Earth. God giveth, government taketh.

The history of American marijuana prohibition and “reefer madness” shows that its practical and legal basis is a house of cards. An outgrowth of alcohol prohibition which arose in roughly the same era, marijuana prohibition was born out of racially-charged fears of Mexicans and blacks.

For the American government to prohibit the cannabis plant, that government must declare war on its own principles. Such a prohibition then contributes to overall erosion in the general population’s respect for the rule of law, because the aggressive enforcement of this law touches so many people and makes the law itself — not just marijuana laws, but all laws and law enforcement officials — a joke.

The body armor-clad government stormtroopers are necessary to prosecute the war on marijuana. That level of expensive and intrusive force is necessary if cannabis, widely used and widely accepted, is to be prohibited from our private homes and lives. But perhaps the best brief against prohibition is the fact that marijuana is widely available to prisoners in America’s prisons and jails. Prisons and jails are the most tightly regulated, highly government-controlled locations in the world. If the government cannot keep marijuana outside of these places, can anyone seriously argue prohibition is enforceable in the general population?

3. Safety

The war on marijuana, like alcohol prohibition before it, creates and fuels the criminal underclass, organized crime, and domestic and foreign drug cartels. It is basic Economics 101: where there is a demand, a supply will be created to meet it, period. Human demand for marijuana, like alcohol, has lasted thousands of years, and will never go away. Leading economists like Milton Friedman have long seen the drug war as an economically-bankrupt policy.

If marijuana were legalized and taxed, violent drug cartels would lose the principal source of their income. Marijuana ought to be treated like a more dangerous substance: alcohol, available at the corner liquor store, and taxed and regulated. How many Mexican drug cartels smuggle beer over the border? Ban it, and you would see many. Create a regulated legal market for it, and the drug cartels are not involved.

4. Children

It is literally easier for American schoolchildren to obtain marijuana than beer.

That is because the government has created the black market in marijuana, making it more accessible to children. There is no black market in beer. It is relatively cheap and easy to obtain, for adults, but difficult for children. Prohibition increases childrens’ attraction to marijuana; the “forbidden fruit” is always sweeter.

For all of these reasons and many more, Americans have now passed the critical 50 percentthreshold in support for legalization of marijuana. (These polls typically understate support, as many Americans are understandably reluctant to admit to using or supporting marijuana to an anonymous telephone surveyor.) Even conservative televangelist Pat Robertson recentlyacknowledged that marijuana ought to be legal.

It is long past time for politicians at all levels to end this bankrupt policy of Prohibition, and stop breaking down the doors of Americans who only want to possess a harmless plant in the comfort of their own homes.

 

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14 Tips to Overcome Jealousy from Your Best Friend

Jealousy is a human vice that tends to creep into any and every relationship. It usually stems out of a feeling of inferiority from a particular person. However, if you feel jealous of your best friend, you should either check your approach to your friend’s words and actions or get a new best friend because jealousy cannot exist where love and friendship does. However, for some reason, if you do feel a rivalry or constant need to compare yourself with your best friend, you are not alone and this issue can be nipped in the bud. Here are a few tips to overcome jealousy from your best friend:

Recognize that you are jealous:

The first and foremost step in solving a problem is to recognize that the problem exists. Unless you can accept that you are harbouring feelings of jealousy against your best friend, nothing can help you to overcome it. Crazy as it may sound, if you keep comparing yourself to your best friend and if you constantly wish to be in his/her shoes, you are jealous of him/her.

Stop comparing yourself with him/her:

Once you have identified the problem, you need to start thinking about a plan of action to overcome this envious feeling. Don’t allow the green-eyed little monster inside you to get the better of you. If you keep comparing yourself and your assets with him/her, stop doing that immediately because it’s not going to get you anywhere. It is not going to be easy but just stay strong and divert your mind into other activities whenever you feel jealous.

Be content with what you have:

Learn to be satisfied with your life irrespective of what you have. There are people in this planet who would give anything to be in your shoes so don’t feel bad about yourself. If your best friend has something that you don’t, learn to appreciate it.

Admire your individuality:

Tell yourself that you are special and just as good as the next person. Feel comfortable with yourself and recognize all the good attributes and talent that you have. Instead of wasting time on envious feelings, discover your own individual characteristics. Unless you learn to appreciate your qualities, nobody else will.

Think about things you are better at:

Whenever your mind wanders into forbidden territory and you cannot help but compare yourself with her, instead of asking yourself “How can she sing so well?”, and turning green in envy, think about the things that you are better at. Everyone has something special in them and your special attribute is probably just waiting to be discovered.

Try to compliment her sincerely:

Even though this can be difficult with all the jealousy raging within you, try to be sincere when you compliment her for something. Don’t keep any feelings of ill-will when you say anything nice to her because that will make you a fake friend instead of a jealous friend.

Give it your best shot and leave no regrets:

Your best friend might be better at you than dancing or in academics but it honestly doesn’t matter as long as you have given it the best you could. If you actually concentrate on giving it your best shot instead of wasting time thinking about your best friend and distracting yourself, you might just prove to be better than him/her.

Try to talk to him/her:

If you share a very close and comfortable relationship with him/her, you can also consider talking about your feelings and do something about it together. Sharing your feelings can give the much needed outlet for your negative thoughts.

He/she is your best friend so think about their positive attributes:

Even though you are envious of him/her right now, you chose your him/her as your best friend so there has to be some positive attribute in them that you admire. Think about the qualities that brought your best friend so close to you and appreciate the good in them. Harbouring jealousy is not going to get you where your friend is but it is going to ruin your friendship with him/her sooner or later.

Be accepting and open minded:

Have a heart and accept things for what they are. Being envious of your best friend’s achievements isn’t going to get you there. He/she doesn’t have super powers. If they have achieved something, it is because of their hard work, diligence and will power and if you exhibit these qualities, you can be there too.

Is your jealousy going to help you? Think about it:

Ask this question to yourself and you will get the answer to all your questions. This is a little trick I play with myself whenever I feel anything negative towards someone and it works wonders for self-realization.

Your jealousy might be signalling something deeper:

You might be jealous on a very superficial level. If you think about it, perhaps in your sub-conscious mind, this jealousy might not be person specific at all. There can be many reasons for someone to feel jealous apart from the most obvious one of wanting to be in their shoes so if you feel jealous of others frequently, consider going to therapy.

Think about the difficulties she has dealt with or deals with on an everyday basis:

If you cannot see your qualities or just appreciate what they have without wanting to have that too, try thinking about the problems that they have dealt with in the past or are dealing with right now. Try to empathize with their situation and feel happy for their achievements.

Talk to someone about this problem:

If all else fails, talk to someone about your jealousy. It can be a parent, a friend, your sibling or even the school/college counsellor. Neither should such feelings be encouraged, nor should they be kept bottled up inside you. Get some help before it’s too late.

This post is written by Jason Gilbert who has been working with Corebloggers as a resident writer. He loves writing about career, personal development, etc. His recently published post was how to deal with loneliness.

 

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