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Category Archives: Humor

A Tribute to Grampa Rasmussen, Determination, and Survival

DELIKATESSE FOR LUTEFISKELSKERELutefisk History:

Lutefisk (pronounced LEWD-uh-fisk) is dried cod that has been soaked in a lye solution for several days to rehydrate it. It is rinsed with cold water to remove the lye, then boiled or baked, and then served with butter, salt, and pepper.

The finished lutefisk usually is the consistency of Jello. It is also called lyefish, and in the United States, Norwegian-Americans traditionally serve it for Thanksgiving and Christmas. In many Norwegian homes, lutefisk takes the place of the Christmas turkey. In Minnesota and Wisconsin, you can find lutefisk in local food stores and even at some restaurants. It is a food that you either love or hate, and, as some people say, “Once a year is probably enough!”

During the fall in Wisconsin, people watch their local newspapers for announcements of lutefisk suppers, which are usually held in Norwegian churches. Usually every Norwegian church will host at least one lutefisk supper between October and the end of the year. The dinners have become so popular that lovers of this special cod dish drive great distances, and these are not just people of Scandinavian descent.

The history of lutefisk dates back to the Vikings. On one occasion, according to one legend, plundering Vikings burned down a fishing village, including the wooden racks with drying cod. the returning villagers poured water on the racks to put out the fire. Ashes covered the dried fish, and then it rained. the fish buried in the ashes in the ashes thus became soaked in a lye slush. Later the villagers were surprised to see that the dried fish had changed to what looked like fresh fish. They rinsed the fish in water to remove the lye and make it edible, and then boiled it. The story is that one particularly brave villager tasted the fish and declared it “not bad.”

Norwegian-Americans believe that lutefisk was brought by their ancestors on the ships when they came to America, and that it was all they had to eat. Today the fish is celebrated in ethnic and religious celebrations and is linked with hardship and courage.

 

 

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Saturday funny: So you thought auto-correct was bad?

 

17 hours ago via iOS

When someone is kind of anyway you’re trying to park , And instead of responding with my usual snarkiness, I should have a great ride. You responded with a heavy Norwegian accent, Tanks.
My grandparents were from there. I could’ve an assholes to them, instead I was kind and realize the strength of that Makes it always imperative to be kind of

  •      PERSON 1 –  I’m confused.
  •      PERSON 2 –  Steve, you OK? The sentences you posted are not making much sense – did you use a new mobile device or is something going on?
  •     Steve Ulrich Apologies to all. One should never try to use speech recognition, while driving!
  •       Steve Ulrich It should have read: when someone was kind of in the way when I was trying to park, Instead of responding with my usual snarkiness, I said “have a good ride”…
  •      PERSON 2 – Hahaha, the equivalent of the “spelling corrector” on the iPhone’s SMS

 

 

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“Rights”Rights” a short rant for my friend Barry Monahan.

Plaatje-Christopher-Human-RightsYeah, talk to me about rights. What rights do we really have?
You have the right to remain silent, unless doing so pisses me off and I slap you upside of the head with my pistol.
You have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness? I’ll go with the last one, but as far as the first two I think that is kind of up to God.
Did the victims of baby Doc, or Hitler have the same rights? I’m not necessarily saying it’s not correct for protecting our own shores, but what rights do they have at Gitmo?
You have the right to work your ass off, be the best you can be, and hope to heck somebody doesn’t shoot you in the face. That is all.
Rights are like entitlements. They do not exist in the real world.
Have we gotten so fat and freeking Arrogant that we think the world owes us a living, and somehow is obligated to take care of us?
Let’s face it, baby boomers. We have no right to anything but to work our asses off.
There are so many of us, there is nobody left to bail us out. The days of peace love and dope in the Haight-Ashbury are over.
Face it, you are not going to be guaranteed healthcare, a sweet old peoples home with chirping birds and basket weavers, or a nurse name Consuela to come and wipe your ass when you poop your pants. Some of us are going to starve, some of us are going to croak on the streets from heart attacks, and some of us are going to stroke out.
What you have the right to do, is your best. Work your freaking ass off as hard as you can for as long as you can, treat the people you love with love, and be thankful for every breath you have the “right” to take.
And you do have the right to thank your God, however you envision that, for every good minute you’ve had.

 

What I’ve Learned from Dogs… It’s “a pack thing.”

By Antsy McLain
As I write this, a steady rain taps on the window to my left, and distant thunder promises more of the same for the day. A gray Schnauzer sits a few feet away as I write this. He’s 6 years old now, approaching mid life, and seems to be content to be anywhere I am, doing anything I want to do. This, I’m sure you agree, is not the kind of relationship we can have with other humans.
We’re about to go “bye bye” to the store on the corner, so I can’t write for long. I have already said the words bye bye, and therefore set him at his hyper alert state, giddy at my slightest movement, and ready to bolt toward the door. He just whined a little, his low mournful whine that sounds so human, I’m thinking this sentence may not even get finished before I have to leave. (There. A few Snausages. He’ll be fine for a few more paragraphs.)

As we drive to the store, I will crack the window and let him smell everything outside the car as we ride. His nose will add the tell tale streaks on the glass as he watches the world go by. I’ll see the streaks the next time I get in the car without him, and smile. I’ll tell myself I need to wash them off, but I know I won’t follow through with it.

I wrote the word ‘dog owner’ a few times above as way to describe myself, and it immediately felt awkward. It didn’t sound right because it’s inaccurate. Charlie found us, and we never “bought” him from anyone. I don’t think of myself as “owning” Charlie. He’s a part of the family, or more accurately, we belong to the same pack.

Our son Grant was playing outside our house with his friends, and Charlie strutted up to him, picked Grant out from all the other kids, and didn’t leave. The kids all played with him, but he hung out with Grant. It was the same later when he met the rest of the family.

He had a collar with a tag that said “Buddy,” and we called the number. He had gone missing three months earlier about 40 miles away. They told us they had already replaced him, and we could have him. They offered to mail us his papers — meaning his pedigree (they proudly announced he was AKC) — but never impressed with the papers or credentials of humans all that much, we didn’t see why having papers would make this good-hearted dog any more valuable to us than he already was, so we declined.

Grant renamed him Charlie. Being schooled in the art of incentives (at least in the human family), I set out to learn Charlies favorite things, and within days discovered Charlies’s incomparable talents as a ball retriever (only yellow tennis balls, I found out), singer, and cuddler. Like all dogs, he responds to treats and the imminent possibility of road travel. Come to think of it, my favorite people also hold travel and junk food in high regard, so maybe it is “a pack thing.”

I wrote the song with Charlie next to me. I thought of him in every verse. I’ve had many dogs in my 50 years, some of them very close to me, two of them were soul mates. When Moo Moo died, I cried in long, hard fits that left pieces of my soul in dregs along the backyard to where I buried her. Those pieces of me are still there.

But never have I connected to the soul of a dog like this moppy, gray haired barker at my feet. And never have I learned more from an animal.

But you know, they say when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. And maybe it’s me. Maybe I was getting in my way all along. Charlie was out there. Waiting. And when it seemed we were ready, he came loping up the street and made friends with Grant.

We thought he was just sniffing us out. But more likely he was saying, “Hey, let’s go on an adventure! With lotsa treats, tennis balls and road trips! It’ll be fun! And you just might learn something.”

OK, Charlie, ready to go “BYE BYE?” Oh, man. You should see him now. ha.

 

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The Most Effective Time Management Tips You’ll Ever Find

When you’re a college student, being able to manage your time can mean the difference between success and failure. These tips, many of which seem to fly in the face of logic, can help you reduce your stress and manage your time effectively so the important things get done every day.

Take Charge of Your Schedule

One of my favorite professors once said “If you don’t take charge of your schedule, then your schedule is in charge of you.”

We’ve all had times when our days seemed to be governed by one crisis after another, but that should be the exception rather than the norm.

Before you go to bed each night, take a look at the next day’s schedule. Set aside time for the important things, the things that matter most to you. Sure, unexpected events may crop up, and when they do, you’ll deal with them — but once you’ve put out the fire, you can get right back on track to the schedule you’ve set.

Be Realistic

Figure out how much time it takes you to accomplish a certain task, like reading 10 pages out of a textbook or writing a five-page paper. Keep these findings in mind when you are deciding what to do with your day.

Most people, for instance, can’t dash off a 10-page term paper in half an hour or read a complex, technical document in 15 minutes. If you don’t allot enough time for each of your daily activities, you’re setting yourself up for failure.

Don’t Multitask

Multitasking used to be considered the great time management skill. That was before researchers discovered people who were high on marijuana actually performed better on an assignment than people who were trying to switch back and forth between three different tasks.

It’s probably okay to walk and chew gum, but other than that, focus your attention on just one thing, do it and move on to something else.

Take Regular Breaks

Brick-and-mortar universities have breaks built into their schedules when the bell rings, and students have 15 or 20 minutes to get to the next class. Programs that offer online college degrees don’t have such clear break periods. If you’re taking several online classes, it’s possible to work for hours without stopping. It’s also a bad idea.

The brain, like a muscle, gets tired if you demand too much of it. Tired brains are responsible for foolish mistakes as well as errors in judgment. For every hour of studying, set aside 10 to 15 minutes to do something completely different. Put in a load of laundry, wash the breakfast dishes, take the dog for a walk or treat yourself to a few minutes of your favorite magazine.

With a little practice, you can develop time management skills that will help you get through any type of class setting.

CJ contributed this guest post. Passionate about self-improvement, he frequently blogs about time management and how it can factor into online college degrees.

 

VIDEO: Best marriage proposal ever

Isaac Lamb proposed to his girlfriend, Amy, in a very innovative way, and the video has gone viral.
Check out Isaac’s incredible proposal – set to Bruno Mars‘ “Marry You.”

CLICK ON THE PHOTO

 

When Isaac Lamb decided to propose to his girlfriend, Amy, he knew he wanted to do something over-the-top. but not even Amy was prepared for the elaborate proposal he staged with 60 of their closet friends and family members. The video went viral – and has already amassed almost 6 million views on YouTube at last count.

The video even got Bruno Mars’ stamp of approval!

Congrats to Isaac Lamb and the future Mrs.. I don’t think I could’ve made a better music video for this song. Thank youvimeo.com/42828824

 

Calling in Sick? Make Sure You Have a Good Excuse.

We’ve all done it before – called in sick when all we really wanted was an extra day off to lounge on the couch or hit up the mall. Most people in this situation simply tell their boss they’re sick and can’t make it into the office, but you might be surprised at the excuses some people come up with for missing work.

CareerBuilder’s Annual Survey, released at the end of 2011, revealed some of the most unusual excuses employees gave for missing work. And these aren’t your run-of-the-mill “my car broke down and I can’t get another ride” excuses – they’re much more creative.

The top 15 unusual excuses for calling in sick include:

  1. My 12-year-old daughter stole my car and I have no other way to get to work.
  2. Bats got in my hair.
  3. A refrigerator fell on me.
  4. A truck accidentally dumped flour into my convertible while backing up.
  5. A deer bit me while hunting.
  6. I ate too much at a party.
  7. I fell out of bed and broke my nose.
  8. I got a cold from my new puppy.
  9. My child stuck a mint up his nose and had to visit the emergency room.
  10. I hurt my back chasing a beaver.
  11. I got my toe caught in a vent cover.
  12. I got a headache from visiting too many garage sales.
  13. My brother-in-law was kidnapped by the Mexican drug cartel.
  14. I drank anti-freeze by mistake and had to go to the hospital.
  15. A bucket filled with water fell through the roof of a bowling alley and hit me in the head.

The moral of this story? Make sure you have a real reason for calling in sick, or simply be honest and tell your boss that you need an extra day off. Otherwise you might find yourself in danger of being caught.

In fact, the survey found that 15 percent of employers have fired a worker for calling in sick without a legit reason, and another 28 percent have checked up on an employee by:

  • Requiring a doctor’s note (69 percent)
  • Calling the employee (52 percent)
  • Asking another employee to call the worker (19 percent)
  • Driving by the employee’s house (16 percent)

The survey further found that employees are most likely to call in sick between January and March, and that 29 percent of workers admitted to playing hookey, mostly to run errands or do things with family and friends.

Citations:

Writer and content creator specializing in everything from recruiting and job searching to social media and technology. Check out PCRecruiter.net for more.

 

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