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Love is the Decision of an Adult

Love is the Decision of an Adult

I don’t remember where that quote came from, so I thought I’d look it up.  Can’t find it anywhere.  It feels good to know that there are some things that one cannot “Google.”  What does manifest itself is that after 6 brief years with my wife,  we love each other more every day.  Why?

An old and dear friend of mine, although she can be somewhat of a brat at times, taught me a cruel and beautiful lesson:  quit looking for the right person, and BE the right person. Love for another, although part of the general universe and the omnipresent Agape Love of The Creator, comes from within.  I am able to love another in direct proportion to my ability to love myself.

After being dismissed from by my ex-wife after 16 years of marriage because she didn’t “feel like” being married any more, I had the obligatory period of mourning.  Aside from the fact that I had been cast out of the house that I had inhabited for some 22 years, it was the loss of my family.  My girls were left in the care and nurturing of my ex’s new boyfriend, and the family holidays no longer required my presence.  It was a great time of self-pity and morbid reflection, followed by a resolve that it was indeed not all my fault, and that there was a self in there somewhere worth saving.

Figuring out that there was something to offer to the world was half the battle.  The next thing that came to mind was that it was imperative that this wonder be shared with a significant “other.”  What wiring the Universe, “God” if you will, put in us to make us feel that we need a mate is a great mystery, but for many it is irrefutable.  To me, life is at its fullest when being shared.  To this end began my summer of love via Match.com.  I was determined that my life was not going to be lived alone.  It never occurred to me that I was really never alone, and that God, the Universe, and soooooo many wonderful people were all around me, but off I went in search for the “right” person.

Over the course of the summer I met and “dated” probably thirty or forty different ladies.  A couple of times I felt the feelings of infatuation that manifest in the ways of youth:  dizzy dancing way I feel, weak in the knees, etc.  It was the second time that happened that the realization came to me that it was not about the women that I was with, because they were entirely different.  Upon reflection, the women that I have really loved and felt that way about throughout my life have had very few similarities.  That wonderful dizzy dancing way I feel is just that.  It is the dizzy dancing way I feel.

Love for another, although part of the general universe and the omnipresent Agape love of The Creator, comes from within.  I am able to love another in direct proportion to my ability to love myself.  The past couple of days have been very satisfying for me professionally:  I have a couple of clients that are really listening to my advice, and empowering me to be really creative and productive.  That is always a great feeling.  When my wife comes home at night there is no insecurity or self-pity to get in the way or our enjoyment of each other.

Giving of one’s self is the most satisfying aspect of a relationship.  Whether it is knowing your children will finally appreciate you when they “grow up” and not clinging to them when they do, or simply knowing when to say “that’s great dear, you go have fun” in general.   My wife is a senior executive in a global corporate travel management enterprise; therefore travel is a major factor in our relationship.  She also has many close friends and a huge family, all of which is very healthy and great.  I am envious, as both of my parents have long since passes, and my only siblings are half sisters that are a great deal older than I.  Mary is gone lots with her friends, and my life has evolved to be more introspective and solitary.  There are many great friends and activities in my life, just not as often as she is gone.  I still take great pride and joy in seeing her thrive and be able to take advantage of her many outside opportunities.  It is never healthy to have all of one’s eggs in one relational basket.  That is why it is so common to see one spouse pass away almost immediately after the other.

I have a deathly fear of heights.  I get dizzy at the top of a step-ladder.  It showed its head a few times in my youth, like at the top of the Eifel Tower, but really didn’t manifest itself totally until I suffered a severe concussion in a snowmobile accident (apparently they are not meant to jump 30 foot double motocross hills).  Mary, not keeping my phobia at the top of her mind at all times, got this wonderful opportunity to spend a couple of nights at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel in San Francisco.  Thinking that this would be a wonderful and romantic weekend for us in The City, she never thought to enquire as to the vertical parameters of the event.  Being aware of my own limitations, I made some queries, and found that the Hotel occupies floors 37 through 48 of a tower that looks down on the Transamerica Pyramid in downtown San Francisco.  Needless to say, I had to tell her to have a wonderful time in the five-star accommodations, while my own humble residence for the weekend will be a few blocks (and several hundred feet in elevation) down the street.

The examples could go on and on.  We’re going to visit her parents in Vancouver WA for Thanksgiving, and now were going back again at Christmas because all of her brothers and sisters will be there.  It happens to be a financial burden that was not expected at this time of year, but the joy in her face made it more than worth it.  The list is endless and it couldn’t be any sweeter.  I’m quite sure hers is twice as long with me.  She wakes up every morning before I do and puts a cloth over my eyes so that her reading lamp doesn’t disturb me.  The point is that we made a commitment to love and honor each other, and that is what has made it work.

The more each of us sacrifices and gives, the more we love ourselves.  It is a phenomenon that has existed in fable and fact for eons.  The more we love ourselves, the more we are able to love others, and I love her more every day.

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Bad Poetry

by Seth Godin

There’s a lot of it.

One reason: it’s easy to become a poet. Easy to announce you’re a poet, easy to get a pencil and a paper, easy to publish your work online.

There’s a lot of bad tweeting, bad marketing, bad facebooking, bad emailing and bad music now as well. No barrier certainly leads to a lack of selectivity.

Surprisingly, though, amid the bad art, we actually find more good art. A barrier to entry isn’t the only thing that improves quality. Sometimes it’s sufficient to let artists do their work without a gatekeeper.

 

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The Grateful Dead and the Top 40

by Seth Godin

I wonder if Jerry ever got jealous of acts that were able to put songs on the radio. (The Dead had exactly one hit record…)

I hope not. Jerry was in a different business. Sure, he played music. Elton John also plays music. But they were in different businesses, performing for different audiences, generating revenue in different ways, creating different sorts of art.

In a world filled with metrics and bestseller lists, it’s easy to decide that everyone is your competitor and easier still to worry about your rank. Worry all you want, but if it gets in the way of your art or starts changing your mission, it’s probably a mistake.

It used to be that the non-customers, passers-by and quiet critics of your venture were totally invisible to you. They drove by, or muttered under their breath or simply went to someone else. Now, all is visible. Just because you’re vividly aware of your shortcomings in market share doesn’t mean it’s important.

The next time you have a choice between chasing the charts (whichever charts you keep track of) and doing the work your customers crave, do the work instead.

 

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Dr. Mike is a Free-kin Rock Star

Congratulations Dr. Mike for a Job Well Done

Days like this don’t happen often enough in this business.  One of my clients published his first website today, and I was actually around to push the button when he went live.

I met Dr. Mike years ago.  We were both in the same church band; in fact we were both bass players in the same church band.  We rotated Sundays and it worked out well as there was another church requiring my services every other weekend.  There was never a feeling of competition, and although we didn’t see each other all that often our relationship was friendly and we became “friends” on FaceBook and LinkedIn.  After a few years the church and I were going in different directions musically, and philosophically.  My Buddhist girlfriend (now wife) was tolerant of some of the egregious language of the Evangelical Christian  Church (everybody is OK as long as they think exactly the way we do…) but not enthusiastic over spending our Sundays driving a half hour each direction to do so.  They had found yet another bass player so we just drifted off.

Mike started Chiropractic school with a vengeance, and kissed his wife goodbye for a couple of years to become a slave to the classrooms and studies.  After the rigorous course, and several panic attacks during exams, Mike was ready to hang up his shingle and announce his practice (again on FaceBook and LinkedIn) and I began to follow him.  Oh the joys of social media, being re-connected with old friends.

Forgetting that age had crept up on me my back went out while engaged in some construction activity that should probably have been left for a man half my age.  It took a few days for me to become convinced that it was not somehow going to miraculously work itself out, and would indeed require the intervention of a skilled practitioner.  It was so bad that walking was almost out of the question, and ice and heat were required to merely sit in front of a football game on television.

Remembering our association, and the current status of Dr. Mike the Chiropractor, it was easy to recall my pleasant experiences with the service and call upon his expertise to alleviate my current condition.  The only negative memory of Chiropractic being that my health plan sucks, and it can be a bit expensive out of pocket.  This minor setback was alleviated after my first visit with our agreement to barter his services for mine as an internet marketing consultant.  As it turns out, so was my back pain.  In a matter of 3 weeks it was loose and relatively painless and the mobility returned to the point that noon 2 mile hikes were back in the picture.

Every visit to his office was accompanied by an hour or so of marketing discussions.  We went over Facebook, Youtube, Hotmail, Blogs, google.com, Markets, Websites, Products, WordPress, Linkedin, youtube videos, and general integration into social media.

The past few visits he has come up to the office and we really got down with our website provider and started to create.  His work is as outstanding on the site is it is at his practice.  It is truly satisfying to have a client listen and take the advice that one works so hard to provide.  At the suggestion of one of my associates, I have for some time, really not encouraged any of my clients to do any of their own work; it simply usually doesn’t get done.

Even with a newborn first child at home, Dr. Mike has written some 20 technical blogs revolving around healthcare and Chiropractic medicine.  It was with great pride that this humble internet marketer was able to watch the birth of www.rogersonchiropractic.com.  Well done Dr. Mike!

 

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You Have Me ALL WRONG!

You might, by now, have the impression that I will do virtually anything to get out of work.  You might think that I fabricate excuses to avoid long walks, heavy lifting, any event precipitating a line, shopping, listening to really long explanations of mundane things, etc.   (You get the idea.)

You might get the idea that I have little tolerance for fools (in my eyes of course) , controlling people (other than myself),  religions of any kind, lack of patience in others, and that I go overboard expressing my love for my children and my wife.

You might think that I have little patience for the likes of Rush Limbow, Bill O’Reily, and Howard Stern.  That I find their bombastic oratory inane and pedestrian.  Might even think that I enjoyed seeing our Black Irish president O’Bama verbally castrate O’Reily on national TV.

You might think that I feel that everybody deserves to love who the freek ever they want to. I don’t necessarily need to hear about how, where, and how often, but I also don’t feel the need to share that part of MY personal life either.

You might feel that I have an opinion that the Internet is both the best and worst thing to ever happen to mankind.

You might think that I cried when I thought the reactor in Japan had melted down.

You have me ALL WRONG!

I don’t go overboard expressing my love for my children and my wife.  They deserve every bit of it.

 

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While my guitar gently weeps

I look at you all see the love there that’s sleeping
While my guitar gently weeps
I look at the floor and I see it need sweeping
Still my guitar gently weeps

I don’t know why nobody told you
how to unfold you love
I don’t know how someone controlled you
they bought and sold you

I look at the world and I notice it’s turning
While my guitar gently weeps
With every mistake we must surely be learning
Still my guitar gently weeps

I don’t know how you were diverted
you were perverted too
I don’t know how you were inverted
no one alerted you

I look at you all see the love there that’s sleeping
While my guitar gently weeps
I look at you all
Still my guitar gently weeps

 

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