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Tag Archives: Marriage

Marriage Isn’t For You

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Kim and I

Kim and I

Having been married only a year and a half, I’ve recently come to the conclusion that marriage isn’t for me.

Now before you start making assumptions, keep reading.

I met my wife in high school when we were 15 years old. We were friends for ten years until…until we decided no longer wanted to be just friends. 🙂 I strongly recommend that best friends fall in love. Good times will be had by all.

Nevertheless, falling in love with my best friend did not prevent me from having certain fears and anxieties about getting married. The nearer Kim and I approached the decision to marry, the more I was filled with a paralyzing fear. Was I ready? Was I making the right choice? Was Kim the right person to marry? Would she make me happy?

Then, one fateful night, I shared these thoughts and concerns with my dad.

Perhaps each of us have moments in our lives when it feels like time slows down or the air becomes still and everything around us seems to draw in, marking that moment as one we will never forget.

My dad giving his response to my concerns was such a moment for me. With a knowing smile he said, “Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raisethem? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.”

It was in that very moment that I knew that Kim was the right person to marry. I realized that I wanted to make her happy; to see her smile every day, to make her laugh every day. I wanted to be a part of her family, and my family wanted her to be a part of ours. And thinking back on all the times I had seen her play with my nieces, I knew that she was the one with whom I wanted to build our own family.

My father’s advice was both shocking and revelatory. It went against the grain of today’s “Walmart philosophy”, which is if it doesn’t make you happy, you can take it back and get a new one.

No, a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?”

Some time ago, my wife showed me what it means to love selflessly. For many months, my heart had been hardening with a mixture of fear and resentment. Then, after the pressure had built up to where neither of us could stand it, emotions erupted. I was callous. I was selfish.

But instead of matching my selfishness, Kim did something beyond wonderful—she showed an outpouring of love. Laying aside all of the pain and aguish I had caused her, she lovingly took me in her arms and soothed my soul.

SKwedding394

Marriage is about family.

I realized that I had forgotten my dad’s advice. While Kim’s side of the marriage had been to love me, my side of the marriage had become all about me. This awful realization brought me to tears, and I promised my wife that I would try to be better.

To all who are reading this article—married, almost married, single, or even the sworn bachelor or bachelorette—I want you to know that marriage isn’t for you. No true relationship of love is for you. Love is about the person you love.

And, paradoxically, the more you truly love that person, the more love you receive. And not just from your significant other, but from their friends and their family and thousands of others you never would have met had your love remained self-centered.

Truly, love and marriage isn’t for you. It’s for others.

 

 

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Office Stress Relief Solutions

Whatever your job or role inside a business industry and career, there are trials, tribulations and challenges that will produce office stress, which needs to be dealt with. This can be stress of an overbearing employer, an uncomfortable seating situation or a large amount of deadlines and targets for a sales driven job. Aspects of stress can be dealt with by both the business and the individual and while both have a responsibility, it is ultimately the person suffering with the office stress to make changes to his or her lifestyle to cope. So whether it’s doing something relaxing or changing around your daily habits, these are some of the tips I have picked up throughout my career to beating stress and making my office job a pleasure rather than a burden through my body management.

Discover the Source of your Office Stress:

You need to know thy enemy before you are able to work out a solution to combat your office stress. If it is in regards to your impeding deadlines or simply an annoyance with a co-worker singing next door, you may need to have a different solution to each of those problems. Some situations can be solved and therefore eliminated as sources of stress through certain planning and avoidance strategies but others require you to develop a coping mechanism to deal with the stress. Sometimes office regulations need to be reminded to people to reduce stress or simply you need to change the way you approach your workload to avoid it piling up. Identifying what makes you stressed automatically makes the task simpler to deal with.

Coping mechanisms for your own stress:

During your day in the office, it’s easy to forget about the need to take breaks when you are feeling the stress of office life with thousands of deadlines and each task falling under a more urgent category than the last. Taking a 10-15 minute break 3 or 4 times during the day will result in you being more productive. Speaking to management about organising a relaxing area for workers, perhaps including a foosball table or a video games system can create a space for employee relaxation. While these are thought to reduce productivity, studies have actually shown their benefits to top tier companies. If you have loud and distracting co-workers, consider using earphones or ear plugs to enable you to focus better on your tasks and if other individuals are consistently interrupting your flow to ask assistance or questions, ask them perhaps to use an unobtrusive means, such as email or IM.

Making your work schedule and workspace your own will reduce your stress and make for an easier day, and life in your career. Make sure you manage your working hours, the way you need to within the framework of your company.

Dave Tucker is a freelance author with numerous years of experience in the business world. With numerous different opportunities he has had in serviced offices Glasgow and throughout the UK, Dave as advised on aspects such as humoan resources for medium enterprises as well as where to find the best office space for rent in metropolitan areas.

 

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