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Love is the Decision of an Adult

Love is the Decision of an Adult

I don’t remember where that quote came from, so I thought I’d look it up.  Can’t find it anywhere.  It feels good to know that there are some things that one cannot “Google.”  What does manifest itself is that after 6 brief years with my wife,  we love each other more every day.  Why?

An old and dear friend of mine, although she can be somewhat of a brat at times, taught me a cruel and beautiful lesson:  quit looking for the right person, and BE the right person. Love for another, although part of the general universe and the omnipresent Agape Love of The Creator, comes from within.  I am able to love another in direct proportion to my ability to love myself.

After being dismissed from by my ex-wife after 16 years of marriage because she didn’t “feel like” being married any more, I had the obligatory period of mourning.  Aside from the fact that I had been cast out of the house that I had inhabited for some 22 years, it was the loss of my family.  My girls were left in the care and nurturing of my ex’s new boyfriend, and the family holidays no longer required my presence.  It was a great time of self-pity and morbid reflection, followed by a resolve that it was indeed not all my fault, and that there was a self in there somewhere worth saving.

Figuring out that there was something to offer to the world was half the battle.  The next thing that came to mind was that it was imperative that this wonder be shared with a significant “other.”  What wiring the Universe, “God” if you will, put in us to make us feel that we need a mate is a great mystery, but for many it is irrefutable.  To me, life is at its fullest when being shared.  To this end began my summer of love via Match.com.  I was determined that my life was not going to be lived alone.  It never occurred to me that I was really never alone, and that God, the Universe, and soooooo many wonderful people were all around me, but off I went in search for the “right” person.

Over the course of the summer I met and “dated” probably thirty or forty different ladies.  A couple of times I felt the feelings of infatuation that manifest in the ways of youth:  dizzy dancing way I feel, weak in the knees, etc.  It was the second time that happened that the realization came to me that it was not about the women that I was with, because they were entirely different.  Upon reflection, the women that I have really loved and felt that way about throughout my life have had very few similarities.  That wonderful dizzy dancing way I feel is just that.  It is the dizzy dancing way I feel.

Love for another, although part of the general universe and the omnipresent Agape love of The Creator, comes from within.  I am able to love another in direct proportion to my ability to love myself.  The past couple of days have been very satisfying for me professionally:  I have a couple of clients that are really listening to my advice, and empowering me to be really creative and productive.  That is always a great feeling.  When my wife comes home at night there is no insecurity or self-pity to get in the way or our enjoyment of each other.

Giving of one’s self is the most satisfying aspect of a relationship.  Whether it is knowing your children will finally appreciate you when they “grow up” and not clinging to them when they do, or simply knowing when to say “that’s great dear, you go have fun” in general.   My wife is a senior executive in a global corporate travel management enterprise; therefore travel is a major factor in our relationship.  She also has many close friends and a huge family, all of which is very healthy and great.  I am envious, as both of my parents have long since passes, and my only siblings are half sisters that are a great deal older than I.  Mary is gone lots with her friends, and my life has evolved to be more introspective and solitary.  There are many great friends and activities in my life, just not as often as she is gone.  I still take great pride and joy in seeing her thrive and be able to take advantage of her many outside opportunities.  It is never healthy to have all of one’s eggs in one relational basket.  That is why it is so common to see one spouse pass away almost immediately after the other.

I have a deathly fear of heights.  I get dizzy at the top of a step-ladder.  It showed its head a few times in my youth, like at the top of the Eifel Tower, but really didn’t manifest itself totally until I suffered a severe concussion in a snowmobile accident (apparently they are not meant to jump 30 foot double motocross hills).  Mary, not keeping my phobia at the top of her mind at all times, got this wonderful opportunity to spend a couple of nights at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel in San Francisco.  Thinking that this would be a wonderful and romantic weekend for us in The City, she never thought to enquire as to the vertical parameters of the event.  Being aware of my own limitations, I made some queries, and found that the Hotel occupies floors 37 through 48 of a tower that looks down on the Transamerica Pyramid in downtown San Francisco.  Needless to say, I had to tell her to have a wonderful time in the five-star accommodations, while my own humble residence for the weekend will be a few blocks (and several hundred feet in elevation) down the street.

The examples could go on and on.  We’re going to visit her parents in Vancouver WA for Thanksgiving, and now were going back again at Christmas because all of her brothers and sisters will be there.  It happens to be a financial burden that was not expected at this time of year, but the joy in her face made it more than worth it.  The list is endless and it couldn’t be any sweeter.  I’m quite sure hers is twice as long with me.  She wakes up every morning before I do and puts a cloth over my eyes so that her reading lamp doesn’t disturb me.  The point is that we made a commitment to love and honor each other, and that is what has made it work.

The more each of us sacrifices and gives, the more we love ourselves.  It is a phenomenon that has existed in fable and fact for eons.  The more we love ourselves, the more we are able to love others, and I love her more every day.

 

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Why Do You Need to Dominate Your Profession on LinkedIn Search?

Because you still can! 

Unlike Google, Bing, and Yahoo, who have algorithms that weigh keyword density,
relevance, links, and SENIORITY (that’s right – if you have had dominance for a keyword for years, it’s darn hard for anyone tobump you from it) LinkedIn is still relatively virgin territory.

For business owners in the more popular competitive fields it is virtually impossible to beg, steal, or borrow a top page one ranking on Google. The smart larger firms started optimizing for SEO ages ago.  They hire rooms full of people in Bangalore or Shanghai to sit around for $2.20 a day and stuff keywords into content, Meta tags, Meta descriptions, photo titles,pop-ups, dropdowns, and URL’s.

LinkedIn is still doable, and it’s more than just keyword stuffing.  If you research the appropriate words to compete with, and integrate them into valuable content it does not detract from the integrity of your profile.  For several of my clients I have been able to get keywords like “real estate – 95131” ranked not just on the first page, but NUMBER ONE, on LinkedIn: The fastest growing search medium for professional services.  Check it out at http://bayintegratedmarketing.com

I would also invite you to check out my small business blog (great tips) at: https://bayintegratedmarketing.wordpress.com

 

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Too Much Media, Not Enough Message

“Kick em when their up, kick em when their down, kick em in the teeth, kick em all around.”
– Joe Walsh Dirty Laundry

 Do you really think that back in the day when Eric Severeid, Sander Van Ocher, Walter Cronkite, and Dan Rather actually reported news that a comment Aaron Rowand made about his love for a childhood idol (Chicago “da Bears”that he eventually got to play for albeit in a different sport) would ever have taken up hours upon hours of “talk show” air time.  To begin with, there weren’t hours upon hours of idle air time to fill necessitating having callers provide content that the hosts lacked.  Look at some of the examples from our not to distant past, and put this in perspective.  This is a far cry from Howard Kossel’s “Look at that little monkey move.” This would never have made the third page of  the sporting green during the “Cold War.”

The point is that were there used to be 3 stations in a market, shutting down at midnight each day, now there are 300 running 24/7.  The “need” to fill hundreds of more hours worth of “air time” has generated a thirst for information, ANY information, and drastically lowered the bar on what we deem “newsworthy.”

Secondarily, he has a big contract with the Giants (that they were foolish enough to give him) that he is not living up to.  Thirdly, although the Giants are still in first place, they are batting dead last in the National League, if not all of baseball.  Aaron hasn’t done squat this year, and when one of his old announcers got him to wax nostalgic about the first major league team he won a world series with (with something like 47 at bats during the combined playoffs) would it really seem that out of character for him to say that that memory “gave him Goosebumps?” He was in his “heyday” then compared even to the world championship the won with the Giants when he only had 11 at bats.  I would feel more part of the Chicago team too.

Yesterday three hours of idle bull stuff was taken up by the fact that another air personality (certainly not the kind of shock jock that Howard Stern turned into a personal fortune) but another person who is paid according to his ratings got spanked for showing the same volatility (they call it passion now) that has kept his job for him for 40 years.  Tony Bruno made the mortal mistake of calling “The City”  “Frisco.”  That to me was far more egregious (tongue in cheek as a native San Franciscan) than a hot headed spewing of an un-intended racial epilate at one of the SF Giants Latin pitchers by referring to him as an “illegal alien.”  Had Tony not had 40 years to disprove any serious motivation behind this comment, it might have been taken more seriously.  Was it stupid, hell yes?  Do we create this by our supersaturation of air time and the American appetite for the crude or sensational, hell yes?  Is he basically screwed for life with the Latin community, I bet so.

Those who dare play on this field now are screwed.  (I think I’m getting sensational and worked up just thinking of the market and how volatile I need to be to be a player)!  You are damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.  Unless your daddy was Frank Buck, you just cannot be an announcer of any kind of sports event without an edge.  If you do, no matter how great you are (look at Mike Krukow and Duane Kueiper) you are branded a ‘homer.” If you are young and just breaking into the industry, you will be banished to announce the rest of your life for the Kansas City JayHawks.

What are we encouraging on the internet today?  Without any real kind of watchdog, anyone can publish anything.  The downside for someone who tweets one racial epitaph like Tony Bruno, is that once your words are out there is no taking them back.  Good God, how many professional athletes would be publicly defenestrated (were they not so “untouchable” within their own little “tip top” community) for some of the unthinkable things that come out of their heads.

The real downside for humanity is that any bile spewing hate monger can rant for ages with no accountability about the relative evils of the opposing party, the inefficiency of their administration, or the viability of their ethnic or national origin (like it should even freeking matter).  Racism on either side of the coin is still racism.  I get as tired of being called “Vanilla Pud’in” as some of my brothers get being called other things.

Marshall McLuhan was a prophet with his 1970’s book “The Medium is the Message.”  Well here we are in the information age with unlimited bandwidth for audience, creation, information, fabrication, misinformation, deception, and abuse.

The sheer amount of opportunity to spew is indeed a double edged sword.  Don’t do it and you aren’t considered edgy.  Do it and be damned careful to stay EXACTLY on the correct side of that edge, and watch out – its razor sharp!  As Gary Radnich said yesterday:  Were all just one sentence away from the unemployment line.”

 

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No Flock of Seagulls, Crows Descend of San Francisco

By: Kamala Kelkar 

Mike Koozmin/Special to the Examiner
Mike Koozmin/Special to the Examiner

Amid the dark skies on a rainy day when observers set out to count birds in San Francisco, there was an ominous sign — a flock of about 27 crows.

The Golden Gate Audubon Society for the last 28 years has documented the numbers and types of birds in The City and on the Peninsula.

In the 1980s, crows and ravens were not even on the checklist of about 50 types of birds that more than 100 observers saw during the count. The once-rare predators are known for sabotaging other birds’ eggs and chicks.

The American Crows on Tuesday hid in the tops of eucalyptus trees at Stern Grove and almost went unnoticed until their caws disrupted the stillness around Pine Lake.

Dan Murphy, who helped start the San Francisco chapter of the society, said last year the group documented 413 American Crows and 616 ravens, which also used to be uncommon.

“I’d say 27 at the least,” yelled a binocular-wearing Murphy, while the flock swarmed the sky. “They’re at the top of the food chain. … It might not be a good thing.”

As for the implications of the soaring number of crows, Murphy says he will leave that up to the experts.

He and his group of eight others — among 16 teams scattered throughout The City and a boat in the Bay — document everything they see.

In the afternoon, Murphy’s group was about halfway through their portion of the bird count and had seen species that ran the gamut. That’s when they spotted a White-Throated Sparrow, a bird that nests all over the East Coast but never on the West Coast.

“It’s been years since I’ve seen one of those,” said Tom Bacon, who was known among the group for hearing and naming the birds before he sees them.

The details of who saw what would be hashed out later during a dinner — inside a warm building, not out in the rain. The full tally from the annual count will be completed within a few weeks, Murphy said.

kkelkar@sfexaminer.com

Read more at the San Francisco Examiner: http://www.sfexaminer.com/local/bay-area/2011/01/no-flock-seagulls-crows-descend-sf#ixzz1OoocaOHi

 

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There is Nothing Like a Good Long Storm to Make You Appreciate The Sunshine

Joni Mitchell was right; you don’t know what you have till it’s gone.  The past couple of weeks it has rained pretty much nonstop.  I feel like we’re back in my wife’s hometown of Hazel Dell, a suburb of Portland.  Never knew how people could live there, too freeking rainy.  The big difference between here (San Francisco area) and there is that we get breaks between showers.  They can go for literally weeks without seeing the sun.

Today we had a break for a couple of hours and I took a walk.  There were kids out playing on their skateboards, women washing dogs, others taking walks or riding bikes.  It was like the old Chicago song:  Saturday, in the park… It felt just like the 4th of July.  All that was missing were the Mexican vendors with their push-carts full of ice cream.  It was T-shirt weather for that hour, even though the temperature read 49’.  In the sun it felt like we were back in Cabo San Lucas.  Funny, when we were down there I didn’t even go for a walk last time.  It seems as though we appreciate things when they are scarce, as the sun was today.

There is much to the texture thing.  Humans often don’t appreciate things without it.  Three years ago who would have thought that we would be ecstatic that the market was back up over 12,000?  When the Silicon Valley was in its “heyday”, a thousand dollar lunch bill just went into the Advertising and Entertainment budget.  Now Mary and I get excited by a free vendor dinner at the Fairmont.  There used to be secretaries and admins to do things like typing and filing.  The internet was a tool and emails were a means of communication, not a burdensome task to filter through in the morning.

Belt tightening can be a good thing.  People learn to do their own typing, publishing, and organizing.  It is a better head space for most of us to be responsible for all of our own actions instead of blustering through the day only to dump the follow-up on someone else’s desk.

Cigarettes used to be 50 cents, gas 29 cents a gallon and what did we do as a country?  More people died from tobacco than anything else, and the average car was a V-8 that got 8 miles to the gallon.  There was no concern for health, carbon footprint, global warming, or anything other than how much steak and potatoes we could fit into our bloated bodies.  Our businesses were every bit as bad.

The new era has brought about many changes:  My car is a Prius that gets 50 miles to the gallon, my office is a converted bedroom in my house, that (the house) is a tremendously downsized version of the one where my kids were raised (but it’s paid for), my business is on the internet helping other folks sell what they do, and my sirloin habit has been cut down from three days a week to once a month.

I actually appreciate it all now.  The walk in the sun, the occasional steak, that I can now type 50 words a minute, all came from necessity.  The contrast in life is what makes us appreciate what we have.

 

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Hooters has it both ways, sex and kiddies!

By Matt Coker, Fri., Dec. 17 2010 @ 8:57AM
hooters-150.jpg

Hooters restaurants in Anaheim and Costa Mesa routinely violate local and state laws regarding sexual entertainment and children, alleges the National Organization for Women (NOW).

Orange County’s NOW chapter is among four across the state that have filed formal complaints with their respective district attorneys. The Orange County District Attorney’s Office has not yet disclosed if it will launch and investigation.

The complaints boil down to this: to comply with the law, Hooters must either ban kids or sexual entertainment.
“Marketing to young children and advertising as a family restaurant while in reality being nothing but a provider of ‘vicarious sexual entertainment’ amounts to sexual exploitation and attempts to legitimize sex discrimination and hostile work environments for women,” says Patty Bellasalma, president of California NOW, in a statement released Thursday by the organization

kids-hooters.jpg

“Every local county or city with a Hooters should consider a ban on marketing sexual entertainment to minors,” she continues, “and require that sexual entertainment businesses check IDs at the door.”

NOW’s complaints–also filed in Sacramento, San Bruno and San Francisco–break down as so:

 

  • The chain has used this designation to avoid compliance with regulations against sexual discrimination in the workplace.

 

  • Hooters advertises itself as a family restaurant.

 

  • Hooters does not comply with regulations for providers of sexual entertainment.

” It’s time to end this legal bait and switch,” reads the NOW statement, which also includes this:

On a typical evening, Hooters, Inc. serves children younger than 18 years of age and offers child menus, high chairs and booster seats.  They also display and sell products of prurient nature, including t-shirts in child sizes with statements such as “Future Hooters Girl.”  According to Hooter’s own employment material, a “Hooters Girl” is employed as a sexual entertainer and as part of her employment can expect to be subjected to various sexual jokes by customers and such potential contacts as buttocks slaps.  Hooters of America Inc. v Phillips, Case 173 F3d 933 (4/8/99).

The NOW complaints call on government authorities receiving them to either force Hooters, Inc. to comply with EEOC prohibitions against sexual discrimination (if they wish to be a family restaurant that serves children) or comply with regulations covering providers of sexual entertainment (which prohibit children from the premises).

So far, Hooters, Inc. has not reacted publicly to NOW’s complaints.

 

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You will not BELIEVE I carried this on an airplane – 10 times!

I tend to be a creature of habit.  When I travel, lots of little items end up in my shaving kit.  I noticed last night that one of them had leaked, and resolved to empty the thing out and wash it thoroughly.  What I found in there was scary:  one  5” nail file, two pairs of razor pointed scissors, a box of matches, a flashlight, and 3 oversized  tubes that could have held enough plastic explosives to … well you get the idea.

This by itself is not so scary.  What is scary is that I always have this shaving kit in my carry-on in case they “misplace” my checked-in luggage.   This same shave kit has made it through security at the following airports at least once in the last year:  San Francisco, Los Angeles, Las Vegas, Denver, Chicago, Houston, Los Cabos, San Jose and Ft. Meyers Florida.

I have no editorial comment to share on this one; it kind of speaks for itself.  The last time I got on a plane from SFO to Denver there was a gun in my backpack, but that’s a story for Friday’s blog.  You don’t want to miss that one.  

BTW you can subscribe to these articles via e-mail at: https://bayintegratedmarketing.wordpress.com/

 

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