The Junk Email Account from Hell

 

 

 

 

Can anyone out there help me?  Not a huge fan of getting Betty White on my screen 6 times a day!

I know I can close my account, and I did set it up to be a “catch all” for minor spam, but  it is on so many of my sign-ins it would take me a week to re-designate them all.

I just returned from a wonderful week in Cabo San Lucas to find that I have been found by the most pernicious e-mail spam generator I have ever seen.  This guy is persistent, frequent, mostly all the same format and he is sending to a fictitious name I haven’t used in a year or so.  It really has me scratching my head.

1. Why after no activity on my account for a solid week would they choose to attack me?
2. I didn’t change my security settings or sign up for anything while I was away.
3. How in the world did it start coming to “Furd Farkel?” That is a name I put on a couple of white paper requests over a year ago.

Of course, most of the templates have a provision to opt-out, but they also are claiming to take from 3-5 business days for the opt out to go into effect.  At t he rate these guys are going, that will be over 100 emails.

I have been receiving things from the following list:

Devry University   –   DeVry University [info@twoesnagel.com]

levitra-pro.sales@swifttrans.com

Aggaston Fund Network   –  Advance Update [updates@monclerto.com]    a “cash advance” for $1400 I didn’t ask for)

Pimsleur Language – Incredible Learning [languagelearning@leonardfest.com] guaranteed to have you speaking a different language in 10 days

Bosley For Women [lead_class@imopolyportal.com]  – hair restoration

Energy Maker [getelectric@e-voiceoverdsl.com] – “free” energy

Rapid Refinance [rapidrefinance@usamadeusmail.com] – 30 year fixed for 3.1% and no credit check ?

Vin DiCarlo [Seduction@datasyndicationservices.com] – where I was one of only 3 people selected to become irresistible to all women

Federal Bureau of Investigation [donotreply@fbi.gov] – for only $135 handling fee, they send me $200,00US

EFCC FRAUD ALERT [info@e-maxtronic.com.tw] –   $200K just for all your account information

Mrs. Regina Ahmed [andyjoseph789@gmail.com] – who has $200,000,000 she wants me to hand out for her and will let me keep 20% for my trouble

Overstocked Auctions [info@quiraarab.com] – comes every hour

Pintrest Card Give Away [lead_class@miskincare.com]  – free $150 card for filling out a survey
 

This is about half of what I got in a two hour period, and none of them had ever showed up before.  If any of you out there recognize the  URL’s or have any insights as to how to get off this insidious band-wagon short of dumping the account, please let me know.

 

 

The New Frontier (Read – Green Grass)

by Seth Godin

What, exactly, is wrong with the old frontier?  When Google + launched, millions of formerly optimistic people became optimistic again. Maybe this was going to be the one, the social network with just the smart people and none of the lame stuff, none of the spam or the pitches or the people we’re trying to avoid.

And the same thing is true when the pack runs to the new nightclub, the new technology, the new suburban subdivision. Maybe this will be the one…

Of course, it rarely is. So much disappointment and so much bitterness. It’s never as great as you hoped it would be. Ennui and then, eventually, waiting for yet another new frontier.

It’s the old frontier that actually presents the most interesting opportunities, because the shine has worn off. This is your platform for real innovation, innovation in a place or a market or a situation that truly is ready for it.

 

Email checklist (maybe this time it’ll work!)

from Seth Godin

Three years ago this week, I posted this checklist, in the naive hope that it would eliminate (or perhaps merely reduce) the ridiculous CC-to-all emails about the carpool, the fake-charity forwards, the ALL CAPS yelling and the stupid PR spam.

A guy can hope, can’t he?

Feel free to send this to those that need to read it:

Before you hit send on that next email, perhaps you should run down this list, just to be sure:

1. Is it going to just one person? (If yes, jump to #10)
2. Since it’s going to a group, have I thought about who is on my list?
3. Are they blind copied?
4. Did every person on the list really and truly opt in? Not like sort of, but really ask for it?
5. So that means that if I didn’t send it to them, they’d complain about not getting it?
6. See #5. If they wouldn’t complain, take them off!
7. That means, for example, that sending bulk email to a list of bloggers just cause they have blogs is not okay.
8. Aside: the definition of permission marketing: Anticipated, personal and relevant messages delivered to people who actually want to get them. Nowhere does it say anything about you and your needs as a sender. Probably none of my business, but I’m just letting you know how I feel. (And how your prospects feel).
9. Is the email from a real person? If it is, will hitting reply get a note back to that person? (if not, change it please).
10. Have I corresponded with this person before?
11. Really? They’ve written back? (if no, reconsider email).
12. If it is a cold-call email, and I’m sure it’s welcome, and I’m sure it’s not spam, then don’t apologize. If I need to apologize, then yes, it’s spam, and I’ll get the brand-hurt I deserve.
13. Am I angry? (If so, save as draft and come back to the note in one hour).
14. Could I do this note better with a phone call?
15. Am I blind-ccing my boss? If so, what will happen if the recipient finds out?
16. Is there anything in this email I don’t want the attorney general, the media or my boss seeing? (If so, hit delete).
17. Is any portion of the email in all caps? (If so, consider changing it.)
18. Is it in black type at a normal size?
19. Do I have my contact info at the bottom? (If not, consider adding it).
20. Have I included the line, “Please save the planet. Don’t print this email”? (If so, please delete the line and consider a job as a forest ranger or flight attendant).
21. Could this email be shorter?
22. Is there anyone copied on this email who could be left off the list?
23. Have I attached any files that are very big? (If so, google something like ‘send big files’ and consider your options.)
24. Have I attached any files that would work better in PDF format?
25. Are there any 🙂 or other emoticons involved? (If so, reconsider).
26. Am I forwarding someone else’s mail? (If so, will they be happy when they find out?)
27. Am I forwarding something about religion (mine or someone else’s)? (If so, delete).
28. Am I forwarding something about a virus or worldwide charity effort or other potential hoax? (If so, visit snopes and check to see if it’s ‘actually true).
29. Did I hit ‘reply all’? If so, am I glad I did? Does every person on the list need to see it?
30. Am I quoting back the original text in a helpful way? (Sending an email that says, in its entirety, “yes,” is not helpful).
31. If this email is to someone like Seth, did I check to make sure I know the difference between its and it’s? Just wondering.
32. If this is a press release, am I really sure that the recipient is going to be delighted to get it? Or am I taking advantage of the asymmetrical nature of email–free to send, expensive investment of time to read or delete?
33. Are there any little animated creatures in the footer of this email? Adorable kittens? Endangered species of any kind?
34. Bonus: Is there a long legal disclaimer at the bottom of my email? Why?
35. Bonus: Does the subject line make it easy to understand what’s to come and likely it will get filed properly?
36. If I had to pay 42 cents to send this email, would I?

 

I love Spam

Where did that word ever come from?*  According to Wikipedia Spam is “the use of electronic messaging systems (including most broadcast media, digital delivery systems) to send unsolicited bulk messages indiscriminately.”  I think the folks at Hormel would beg to differ.

My first and most lasting memories of Spam are from my days as a Boy Scout.  During our 50 mile backpack trip, the rite of passage for most scouts, the honor of being chief cook and quartermaster fell upon yours truly.  Not only did this prestigious responsibility produce a cooking “merit badge” it also included the preparation of all the food.  The canned food was extremely limited, but the scoutmaster insisted on bringing these little square blue cans of amalgamated random pork parts.  To look at the stuff was not advisable, but after hiking about 13 miles on dusty, rocky, trails the day before food tastes amazing.  Fried up in their own plethora of fat juices over an open fire at 11,000 ft the salty goodness of this culinary anomaly is forever etched onto the immortal tablets of my most savored gluttony. Combined with corn polenta (on the side, silly) and just a hint of maple syrup these steamy plates of cholesterol were devoured instantly by the ravenous pre-pubescent pack of pimple pushers.  These are the times of which memories are made.

It is with this reverence that I take umbrage at the extreme to which the e-mail community has vilified any use of unsolicited bulk electronic communication.  By the definition of most of the “reputable” email marketing companies, “bulk” warning people of a tidal wave would be considered Spam.  The message would be unsolicited, according to the content is irrelevant, and it would be sent to hundreds of thousands of addresses.  According to the Spamhaus Project: “Spam is an issue about consent, not content. Whether the Unsolicited Bulk Email (“UBE”) message is an advert, a scam, porn, a begging letter or an offer of a free lunch, the content is irrelevant – if the message was sent unsolicited and in bulk then the message is spam.”

I say enough!  We have gone way too far.  Obviously nobody wants the un-solicited billions of messages offering Viagra or a Ukrainian girlfriend for cheap, that are generated “offshore” and filtered through dozens of websites so that they are un-traceable and un-stoppable, but is there no middle ground?  Is it un-ethical for the local Church to buy a list of email addresses in their City to announce a clothing drive to help the people in Japan?  Is it un-ethical for a local school to send out a notice for a free class for the unemployed on job hunting?

The can spam act is VERY clear on  its stipulations, and as long as you identify your  message as an ad, identify yourself accurately, and offer the recipient the option of an “opt-out” you are free to send people an unsolicited message.  Do I think that this has been abused? Certainly.  Do I think that there are many un-orthodox practices that defy ethics and are practiced in business every day?  Heck yes.

What I propose is that we use some common sense.  If one has an honest offer that one feels is of value to an audience, I think they have the right to communicate it.  There is no regulation of what kind of shit gets put on the television, with increased volume.  The offshore Viagra peddlers will never stop.  You drive down the freeway and see a billboard every 20 feet.  Heck, the email messages at least give one the option of an opt-out.  I really think that there are people with WAY too much time on their hands to take this up as a cause.  If you want to be a zealot about something why don’t you go off on the price of gas!

• According to the Internet Society and other sources, the term spam is derived from the 1970 Spam sketch of the BBC television comedy series “Monty Python’s Flying Circus“.^[12] The sketch is set in a cafe where nearly every item on the menu includes Spam canned luncheon meat. As the waiter recites the Spam-filled menu, a chorus of Viking patrons drowns out all conversations with a song repeating “Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam… lovely Spam! wonderful Spam!”, hence “Spamming” the dialogue.^[

The Story of a Classic

The first can of SPAM® Classic was produced in 1937 in Austin, Minnesota. After all these years, SPAM® Classic is still a tasty staple in kitchens around the world.

But did you know that the SPAM® Family of Products is part of the Hormel Foods Corporation? Since 1891, the Hormel name has been synonymous with quality, value and innovation.

Learn more about our innovation processes and commitment to food safety in our 2009 Hormel Foods Corporate Responsibility Report.

Visit hormelfoods.com to learn more about Hormel Foods.