Jealousy is a human vice that tends to creep into any and every relationship. It usually stems out of a feeling of inferiority from a particular person. However, if you feel jealous of your best friend, you should either check your approach to your friend’s words and actions or get a new best friend because jealousy cannot exist where love and friendship does. However, for some reason, if you do feel a rivalry or constant need to compare yourself with your best friend, you are not alone and this issue can be nipped in the bud. Here are a few tips to overcome jealousy from your best friend:
Recognize that you are jealous:
The first and foremost step in solving a problem is to recognize that the problem exists. Unless you can accept that you are harbouring feelings of jealousy against your best friend, nothing can help you to overcome it. Crazy as it may sound, if you keep comparing yourself to your best friend and if you constantly wish to be in his/her shoes, you are jealous of him/her.
Stop comparing yourself with him/her:
Once you have identified the problem, you need to start thinking about a plan of action to overcome this envious feeling. Don’t allow the green-eyed little monster inside you to get the better of you. If you keep comparing yourself and your assets with him/her, stop doing that immediately because it’s not going to get you anywhere. It is not going to be easy but just stay strong and divert your mind into other activities whenever you feel jealous.
Be content with what you have:
Learn to be satisfied with your life irrespective of what you have. There are people in this planet who would give anything to be in your shoes so don’t feel bad about yourself. If your best friend has something that you don’t, learn to appreciate it.
Admire your individuality:
Tell yourself that you are special and just as good as the next person. Feel comfortable with yourself and recognize all the good attributes and talent that you have. Instead of wasting time on envious feelings, discover your own individual characteristics. Unless you learn to appreciate your qualities, nobody else will.
Think about things you are better at:
Whenever your mind wanders into forbidden territory and you cannot help but compare yourself with her, instead of asking yourself “How can she sing so well?”, and turning green in envy, think about the things that you are better at. Everyone has something special in them and your special attribute is probably just waiting to be discovered.
Try to compliment her sincerely:
Even though this can be difficult with all the jealousy raging within you, try to be sincere when you compliment her for something. Don’t keep any feelings of ill-will when you say anything nice to her because that will make you a fake friend instead of a jealous friend.
Give it your best shot and leave no regrets:
Your best friend might be better at you than dancing or in academics but it honestly doesn’t matter as long as you have given it the best you could. If you actually concentrate on giving it your best shot instead of wasting time thinking about your best friend and distracting yourself, you might just prove to be better than him/her.
Try to talk to him/her:
If you share a very close and comfortable relationship with him/her, you can also consider talking about your feelings and do something about it together. Sharing your feelings can give the much needed outlet for your negative thoughts.
He/she is your best friend so think about their positive attributes:
Even though you are envious of him/her right now, you chose your him/her as your best friend so there has to be some positive attribute in them that you admire. Think about the qualities that brought your best friend so close to you and appreciate the good in them. Harbouring jealousy is not going to get you where your friend is but it is going to ruin your friendship with him/her sooner or later.
Be accepting and open minded:
Have a heart and accept things for what they are. Being envious of your best friend’s achievements isn’t going to get you there. He/she doesn’t have super powers. If they have achieved something, it is because of their hard work, diligence and will power and if you exhibit these qualities, you can be there too.
Is your jealousy going to help you? Think about it:
Ask this question to yourself and you will get the answer to all your questions. This is a little trick I play with myself whenever I feel anything negative towards someone and it works wonders for self-realization.
Your jealousy might be signalling something deeper:
You might be jealous on a very superficial level. If you think about it, perhaps in your sub-conscious mind, this jealousy might not be person specific at all. There can be many reasons for someone to feel jealous apart from the most obvious one of wanting to be in their shoes so if you feel jealous of others frequently, consider going to therapy.
Think about the difficulties she has dealt with or deals with on an everyday basis:
If you cannot see your qualities or just appreciate what they have without wanting to have that too, try thinking about the problems that they have dealt with in the past or are dealing with right now. Try to empathize with their situation and feel happy for their achievements.
Talk to someone about this problem:
If all else fails, talk to someone about your jealousy. It can be a parent, a friend, your sibling or even the school/college counsellor. Neither should such feelings be encouraged, nor should they be kept bottled up inside you. Get some help before it’s too late.
This post is written by Jason Gilbert who has been working with Corebloggers as a resident writer. He loves writing about career, personal development, etc. His recently published post was how to deal with loneliness.